Seefen's Introduction

Not What We Expected

For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith.

Hebrews 4:2

            I read this verse in my daily time with the Lord a few weeks ago.  I know the verse is talking specifically about salvation through faith in Christ, but something else struck me as I read it, that caused me to stop.  I realized that it’s one thing for me to read the Bible every day, but it does me no good to just hear it if I don’t put my faith in it.  If I don’t really believe it.  Completely.  With everything that is within me.

            Now, according to God’s Word, I should consider it pure joy, when I face trials of many kinds, because the testing of my faith develops perseverance (James 1:2).  I should greatly rejoice when I suffer grief in all kinds of trials, because my faith will be proved genuine through them, and my faith is worth more than gold (1 Peter 1:6-7).  And, because I am a believer, a Christ-follower, I should know that all things work together for good to them that love God (Romans 8:28).  Well, this week I have received the divine chance to see if I really believe these words.  Do I really have faith in those things that I read in God’s word, even write down in my journal or highlight on the page? Is Scripture just going into my HEAD daily, or is it truly penetrating my HEART?

            We received a call earlier this week, letting us know that the letter we have been praying so hard to be written for our court case, was in fact written.  However, it was a rejection letter.  This was something we had not even considered as a possibility!  Courts closed on Friday, and our agency found out about the letter late Wednesday afternoon, so nothing could be done until Thursday morning.  They assured us that the next day they would find out why the letter was unfavorable and if anything could be done in one day, it would be done and we could still possibly pass court on Friday, before the 2 month court closure.  In fact, the rejection letter could have even been a mistake.  In an effort to process as many cases as possible before court closed, the ministry who writes the letters (MOWCYA) could have simply messed up.  Or, it could be something really simple to fix, just one piece of additional paperwork needed that our agency could easily supply.  So, we waited, believing that God can do miracles, and it would be NOTHING for Him to move mountains and “fix” our letter for us by Friday….. but this did not happen.  For whatever reason, our agency was unable to view the letter this week, so we still do not know why we were rejected or even why they weren’t allowed to see our letter. Courts are now closed, so it is too late for us to pass before court closure.  We are not alone.  This has happened to a couple of other families as well.  But, some families who had court dates even after ours sailed through, getting a favorable letter the first time with no questions asked.  There is no explanation as to why some families passed and others didn’t.  That’s just how it goes with international adoption.  There’s no need to ask too many questions, because most of the time, no logical answer exists. 

            In Ephesians 1:11, Paul refers to God as “Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will.” Yes, even if I had not had 45 different people in the past week tell me that “God has a plan for this” and “it’s all in His timing”, I already knew it!  I have read it in Scripture hundreds of times! I read my Bible every single day, and see how even in the most impossible situations, God works and things are resolved, and He is glorified.  I know that.  But, do I just know it, or am I going to believe it? Am I going to trust in it and hold to it?

Well….let’s see:

            We received our little boy’s picture in April.  We held him in our arms for the first time in June.  It will likely be November or December when we get to hold him again.  This is heartbreaking.  I want him home with me.  I want my little boy.  I want to be the one to hold him and feed him and kiss his hurts and give him a bath and tuck him in at night.  Try to honestly imagine yourself waiting 14 months to give birth to a baby and then being forced to leave that baby at the hospital for 5 months, not being able to even touch them or see them in person.  You only get a picture, maybe 2, once a month.  People, this is real.  This child is not any less loved by me than if I had given birth to him.  I have held him and kissed him.  I’m invested! He’s in my heart now, 100%, just as much as the 3 babies that came from my body.  And I can’t have him. Can’t even touch his soft skin for at least 4 more months.  This HURTS, I’m not going to lie!  It is not what I wanted, not what I had prayed for.  God didn’t “FIX” it the way I wanted Him to, the way I prayed for Him to.

But……

when I finally got that call, confirming that we had definitely failed, it was like God whacked me over the head with a 2x4! I had a REVELATION!! And here it is, pay attention:

God doesn’t OWE me ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!

Does God promise us easy?  No!  Does God promise us no pain? No. God has given me salvation, through the death of Jesus.  Guess what? I didn’t deserve that.  At all.  And that alone should be enough.  But, on top of my salvation, God has also heaped on me blessing after countless blessing…a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful daughters, a home, food, clothes, church…the list could go on for days.  I don’t deserve these things either.  I am not entitled to anything.  Just because I might think I’m such a “good Christian”, following God’s plan and spending my time and energy and emotions and money to adopt a little boy from Africa, I’m still a sinner, in need of God’s grace and guidance, hopelessly flawed, with absolutely NOTHING good to offer God on my own!!!! This adoption was His plan from the beginning, not mine.  I’m just along for the ride.  God is good and He gives good things to His children.  I have SO much to be on my knees, thanking Him for every single day!  So, what I realized, what God showed me this week, is that, He’s still in control, working things out the way HE wants them to go, and He doesn’t owe me anything at all.  Just because He is the God who works all things together for good, doesn’t mean that I get to decide how they will work together.  I’m not writing this story.  GOD IS!  If things had worked out exactly the way I had wanted, of course I would be on here praising God for His goodness and His miracles.  But, it’s a whole lot harder to praise Him when things stink! And, folks, that’s what we’re going to do here at the Russell house.  Praise.  Trust.  Wait on Him.  We are going to praise God.  He is an amazing, all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful God, who could have fixed this situation for us without even speaking a word.  He can turn water into wine, heal the sick and raise the dead.  The Russell’s MOWCYA letter would have been a piece of cake for Him.  That’s the God we serve! But, He did not do things the way we planned.  And that’s okay.  Personally, I feel humbled and honored that He chose us for this, and I would rather God’s difficult road over my easy way any day, no matter how much it hurts!  We will make it through this.  Is it what we wanted? NO.  Is it what God chose for us? YES. So, that’s that.  Decided by God, not us. Glory to God that He knows the whole story already, and is preparing us for better things than we can possibly imagine.  I am grateful to have the opportunity for a deeper faith, a chance to really live and breathe those words of Scripture that are so familiar.  I’m praising God for a trial bigger than me that forces me to lean on Him.  And I can’t wait to see how it all works out!

“God is never before His time and never is behind.”

~Charles Spurgeon

 Morning & Evening, August 5

ETHIOPIA!!

          Lee and I flew out of Baton Rouge on June 28.  We stopped in Houston, Texas and Frankfurt, Germany before finally arriving in Ethiopia late at night on June 29. There is an 8-hour time difference, which I don’t think our bodies ever got used to! I was basically exhausted the entire time we were there.  By the time we got our luggage and made it through customs (think “2 hours!”), it was around midnight local time when we got to our hotel.  That would have been fine, except that midnight in ET is 4 in the afternoon here.  A sleeping pill worked wonders that first night.  It was the only complete night of sleep I got the whole time!

          On June 30 we met our 2 year old little boy.  Whatever color your skin is, imagine someone of a very drastically different color who doesn’t speak English making an appearance in your church nursery’s 2 year old classroom and trying to take one of the kids out of there.  Oh, and also, try to convince that kid it’s his mommy.  Disaster! Over the past 14 months, I have watched countless adoption blog videos of parents meeting their children for the first time.  Babies don’t really put up a fuss when they are passed to their new mommy and daddy.  They are just content to be loved on.  Older children realize that they are getting a family, and although they may be shy, they typically understand what’s going on and welcome it.  (Those videos get my tears flowing faster than anything else.)  But, it occurs to me now that I have seen very few, if any, videos with new parents meeting their toddler for the first time.  And now I know why! If I were to post our “meetcha” day video on here, you would have to turn down the volume on your computer!

          So, day 1 was awful.  We met him that morning, left for lunch, and then returned for more tears and snot in the afternoon.  I left the transition home (where he currently lives) feeling literally sick to my stomach.  I didn’t expect him to run to us smiling with open arms, but I had not prepared myself for THAT!  I emailed some of our closest friends, our pastor, and our family coordinator at America World and asked them to PLEASE PRAY because it was so bad.  Luckily, we were able to skype with our girls that evening and see their sweet faces, which made me feel better.  We had also met 2 other families also adopting with our agency, and they invited us to dinner, so I had something to keep my mind occupied and not dwell on it too much.  Otherwise, I think I might have just cried until I couldn’t cry anymore! My heart was hurting and it wouldn’t stop.  But, God was with me, and I felt that in my heart too, right along with all the hurt.  I have been reading through the Psalms, and the one for that day was Psalm 38, which says:

“I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.  All my longings lie open before you, O LORD; my sighing is not hidden from you.” Psalm 38:8-9

I knew this Psalm was no coincidence. God had saved it for June 30, because He knew that I would be in “anguish of heart” and He wanted to remind me that He was there.  My “sighing was not hidden from Him!”  This was like medicine to my aching heart.  I decided not to be discouraged.  This little boy has had a tougher life than I can even fathom, and he doesn’t owe me anything.  All he knows is that everyone he has ever trusted has deserted him.  No wonder he has a wall built up around his little heart! He’s just trying to protect it. 

          On day 2, he cried a lot the first hour or so, but then he decided he would hold my hand and walk with me.  Anytime I tried to love on him or put him down and play with him, he got upset and started crying.   Anytime one of his nannies walked by or he saw the window to his room, he started crying.  But, walking around and around for 2 hours was MUCH better than the first day, so my heart hurt a little less.  He was very happy with his nannies, and when we left him in the afternoon, he laughed and waved at us through the safety of his window.  I felt like he wanted to trust us, but wouldn’t allow himself to get too close.

          Day 3 was even better.  Less crying at the beginning of our time together, more walking around holding hands. He enjoyed stopping to watch the older kids playing soccer or cards outside.  I found a spot to sit and he actually sat in my lap and let me cuddle him.  When I stood up to leave, he wrapped his arms around me and held onto me in a hug.  That was major progress! We still never saw him smile, but he seemed to be warming up to us a little bit.  On this day, he did so much better that when we brought him back to his room, his nannies started clapping and cheering for him!  It was really encouraging to feel like we had their support.

          Days 4-5 got better and better, with small steps of trust building each day.  For a while, he wouldn’t accept any toys we offered him. (And I brought some really cool stuff!) But, on these 2 days, he began to take the toys we brought him. He looked at a book with me and pointed at the pictures.  He let me cuddle him more and more.  Again, at the end of the day, when he was safely back in his room with his nannies, he would smile and point at us and laugh.  He is definitely attached to those ladies, even though he has only lived at the transition home since earlier this year.

          On day 6, our last day, we only had about 2 hours to spend with him.  This day was the best of all! He only cried a little bit when we took him from his nanny.  Then he wanted to play and read with us more than usual.  Up until this day, he wouldn’t allow us to give him any food.  He wouldn’t even eat his food in our presence!  Today was different.  He accepted food from us without much protest.  About 30 minutes before we had to say goodbye, someone brought out his dinner.  I started to feed him (although he can use a spoon really well by himself), and he bit down on the spoon.  He wouldn’t let go of it, and then he started laughing! We had not seen him smile ALL week and all of a sudden, he was not only smiling, he was teasing me! Every time I put the spoon in his mouth, he bit down and started to laugh.  It was fantastic! By the end of the bowl, he and I were both wearing his dinner, but I didn’t mind.  He finally opened up to me, and I got a glimpse of how things can be, once he learns to know and trust us. 

          We were very sad to leave him.  I kissed his sweet little cheeks over and over and told him mommy was coming back.  I am praying that he will remember me, even a little tiny bit, when we return.  I am praying that the seeds of trust that were planted on this trip will quickly grow into a deeper trust and love.  It will not be easy.  But, nothing that comes easy is worth it anyway!  Until we can go back and hold him in our arms again, I am trusting God to uphold me.  The timetable is still uncertain.  It is not as quick as I think it should be.  But, it’s out of my hands and in much more capable ones!!

“My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”                    Psalm 63:8

The America World Transition Home

Donkey walking in the street of Ethiopia

Lee on roof of Yebsabi Guest House, our home away from home.

Church service while in Addis

Our traditional Ethiopian dinner at Habesha 2000

Popcorn and Coffee at the Ethiopian Dinner.

Monica and Shepherd making another lap around the transition home.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

                                       Psalm 55:22

A father to the fatherless…is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…

                                       Psalm 68:5-6

The Past Four Months

    I know it has been forever since we have updated our story, but things have been very eventful and busy in our house!

    On January 31, and after much prayer and discussion, Lee and I decided to change our official age request with our adoption agency. Our daughters are 11, 8 and almost 7, and we realized that a tiny baby would be a much bigger adjustment than we were ready to take on. I am not one of those women who just “loves” to sit and hold little babies.  I would describe the first year of each of my girls’ lives as simply survival on my part. The only thing that got me through was knowing that they would eventually be able to ask for what they wanted rather than screaming uncontrollably for it! I enjoy every year with my kids as they get older MUCH more than those exhausting infant stages.  So, all things considered, we changed our 0-12 month age request to 6-20 months.  Our home study is only approved up to age 2, so this would ensure that we would be matched with a child in our approved age range.  We both felt a HUGE sense of relief, finally admitting to each other that despite the challenges adopting an older child might bring, we were much more excited about a little boy than a baby!

    I got a call on April 5 that America World had a possible little boy for our family, but he was a little older than what we requested.  They wanted to see if we would be interested in reviewing his file.  Of course I said yes! It took 3 days for them to get all the paperwork together, so our “official” referral call came on April 8, for a precious 2 1/2 year old, healthy little boy. (Who, if you haven’t seen any pictures of him yet, bears an uncanny resemblance to my husband! He even has a mole near his nose on his right cheek in almost the exact same place Lee does.)  We accepted his referral with pleasure, and then waited to receive a court date.

    On June 6 we got the long-awaited call that we had a court date on July 5, so we had less than a month until we would be in Ethiopia! I will write more about our trip in another post, but let me just say, toddler adoption is not for the faint of heart! Meeting our son was one of the most challenging days of my life.  He was scared to death, and he let us know it.  We were able to spend several hours a day with him for 6 days.  These days were filled with lots of tears and rejection, but about 30 minutes before we left him in Ethiopia, he finally smiled for us. His smile and giggles made the whole trip worth it!  Although the trip was difficult, many of you were praying for us from home, and we could feel those prayers.  My heart was hurting so badly, yet, I had an amazing peace that this screaming little boy was exactly the child God had chosen for our family.  I was reminded in my heart every day of God’s choice to adopt me into His family, despite my rejection of Him through my sin and attitudes.  I’m thankful God didn’t give up on me, and I knew we wouldn’t give up on this child, no matter how much he screamed and rejected us!  We love him so much already, and eagerly anticipate the day we will get to welcome him into our family forever.

    Short of a miracle, we did not expect to pass court.  The Ethiopian Ministry of Women Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) must write a favorable letter for our file in order for us to pass court, and they are currently 20 days behind on their letters.  They have decreased the volume of letters that they put out each day in order to more carefully review each and every case to make sure the adoption is entirely free from anything corrupt or questionable.  This is a good thing.  It just makes our wait longer.  We did not pass court, although the judge said everything in our file looks good.  Once our letter arrives, we should pass, and he will legally be ours.  The courts close for two months in early August, so if we do not pass by the first few days of August, we will have to wait until October just to pass court, meaning it could be the end of the year before we bring him home.  We are praying this does not happen, but it is a real possibility.  We are “casting our cares upon the Lord”, and trusting Him.  He knows exactly when it is best to bring our son home, and His plans will be accomplished!

    Once we pass court, there will be a 2-5 week waiting period for his paperwork to be complete and submitted to the U.S. embassy in Ethiopia.  He will receive a birth certificate and passport that legally state he belongs to us and will allow him to leave Ethiopia.  The U.S. embassy can then either clear us right away or request a further investigation of his case.  This is the most uncertain part of the process.  They could literally call and tell us to come in a week, or it could be the end of the year or longer.  Of course, we are praying for a short wait time.  Best case scenario, we could bring our son home in early September.  Worse case, who knows? We are praying for September, but, again, trusting in God’s sovereignty, knowing that he knows exactly what’s best for us and for our little boy.  If waiting is better, then we will wait.  God “sets the lonely in families” and we know that he will eventually bring our son home.  Waiting forces us to blindly trust in God, and that’s what He desires for us. Complete trust.  There is nothing we can do, but trust and wait. 

    Thank you for praying.  Thank you for loving us and being there for us during these trying months.  We have felt so much love and support from so many friends and family members.  Sometimes my heart hurts more than I think I can stand, but I know I am not alone.  God promises He will never leave us, and He has also placed some amazing friends in our life to love and encourage us as we wait!  

Shepherd's Room

Girls at Sea World

Learning to Wait: 2010 Russell Recap

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

If 2010 could be categorized by one word for our family, it would be WAITING. Earlier this year Monica waited to finish her last semester of college at LSU. Lee waited at Our Lady of the Lake Hospital to have back surgery and recover from it. We waited to find out if America World would accept us into their Ethiopian adoption program. We waited with Monica’s parents in their living room as her family grieved the loss of her younger brother. We happily waited with our girls to ride Toy Story Mania, again and again, in Disney World. We waited months and months to complete our adoption paperwork and get our name on that coveted DTE list (Dossier to Ethiopia, meaning all our paperwork was finally there). That DTE day finally came on October 15….so what are we doing now?? 

WAITING!

Adopting has taught us many lessons already, months before we will even know our son’s face or meet him for the first time. It has taught us to wait. Waiting has not been easy. This year has been difficult. Our decision to adopt has cost us time, money, emotions, and it has brought strained relationships with several people we love very much. Experiencing confrontations with loved ones or their complete silence about our adoption has hurt our hearts tremendously. But, we continue to wait. We wait for the rest of the money to come in, knowing God will faithfully provide in His ways and His time. We wait for a call saying we have a referral for a child, but not knowing when that call will come.  We wait in hopes that our loved ones will allow God to change their hearts, and rejoice with us that He has called us to such a task as this, realizing that it is a high calling from God and not something we jumped into without years of prayer and discussion. We wait….and although waiting does not come naturally to us in our sinful, human state, God has taught us that waiting on Him brings peace and joy. Although it has been difficult to wait, it has allowed us to give our situation over to God each and every day. It has taught us to trust God, knowing He is the one who holds our family and our little boy in His mighty hand. We have learned to take comfort in the fact that God is good, even when our circumstances do not seem to be. Most of all, we have learned to ask God to work in and change situations, but be satisfied if He says “not right now”. The waiting has taught us that God is in complete control and He has our best interests at heart, a truth that we have always known, but are now getting the privilege of experiencing first hand each and every day. Has it been easy? No. Has it been worth it? Oh yes! And it continues to be worth every day waiting, worth every dollar, and worth every tear. God has been so good to us, even through the wait.  

All that being said, we want to thank everyone who has helped and encouraged us this year. We have been humbled by the outpouring of love and support we have received, whether through donations and help with garage sale items, buying our glass tile necklaces, monetary gifts, or simply words of comfort and encouragement. We need to hear this sometimes more than you know!! We are currently around #23 on the infant boy waiting list. Things have been slow the past month or so in Ethiopia, so we are uncertain exactly when we will get a referral for a child, but hopefully within the next 3 months. We are hopeful that we will have him home this summer. God has truly AMAZED us this year with His generous hand! Our goal was to not borrow any money, trusting God to provide every cent of our adoption. As I write this, we have all the money we need to accept our referral when we get that call, therefore, the adoption itself is paid in full! The remaining $10,000 we need to raise is simply travel expenses. We will have to make two trips to Ethiopia, one for court and then one to bring Shepherd home, and plane tickets alone can cost up to $2,000, depending on the time of year we travel. Please pray for us as we continue to raise funds and apply for grants. God has been so faithful already, and we are confident that He is going to provide everything we need for the travel! 

 I know this has been a long post, but thank you to those of you who are reading it. Your love and support means the world to us.  Thank you for helping us change the life of a baby forever. Thank you for journeying with us as we WAIT for Shepherd :)

Shepherd's Christmas Presents

Even though we are still waiting for Shepherd, he still had presents that needed to be opened on Christmas morning.  The girls were more than willing to help open them.

Pictures from Fall Bazaar